i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
