Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
