Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
