I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
