dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
