I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
