Who wears a wallet chain?!
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Randomize
