you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
