Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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