A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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