You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I supernannyed him into submission
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize