did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
