i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
