yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
