please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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