And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
