Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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