I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
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