I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
