this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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