so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Randomize
