I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
