how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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