I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
