no, he came in my armpit
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
