Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize