K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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