I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
