I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize