we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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