Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
