you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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