I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize