I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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