She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Randomize