i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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