Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
