I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
