I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
