i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
