I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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