I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize