I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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