you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
