you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
