nutella sex= disaster
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
