she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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