Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
