mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
My ATM looks so different sober.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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