do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
