Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
