What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
