I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
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