why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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