If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
