I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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