Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
