Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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