guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
