hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
