The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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