After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
