He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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