sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I want to fling myself into the sun
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Randomize
