You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
