you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
