Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
