Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
