I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I want a musical about memes.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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