Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
