Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
