I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
