I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
